All hail the assistants!

I’ve always had a theory. Yes, it probably stems from my years of fetching coffee, booking waxing appointments, reading extra scripts until 2am, working 12 hour days, and only being referred to as MARGAUX !* (insert blood curdling yell here)

BUT, I think assistants make this town go round. Yes, yes, executives and agents with their 100+ phone calls a day don’t exactly slack either, but assistants are always on those calls. They know most everything. They are the silent soldiers that prop up their bosses. Tell them which scripts deserve a second glance, which pilots are getting more buzz across town. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the town’s best gossip is traded in between assistant drinks and booty calls. (Come on, they also tend to be younger and hotter than us old folks, gotta give it up for the booty call decade. Just remember young 20somethings….if you’re sleeping with someone with a glimmer of intelligence and the drive to stay in this town, it’s not a chance but a certainty that you’ll run into that person again. So try not to do anything now you wouldn’t want to be reminded of in 5-10-15 years. Despite my slutty 20s, I think I managed to survive this phase mostly unscathed.)

But back to assistants. Yes, they work hard, yes they are the unsung heros of this town. And if you’re a writer? They are your best friend.

If an assistant likes your script it makes it that much harder for their boss to never read you, throw you in the trash can, or not call your agent to pass on you. You’re more likely to get included in their weekend read pile, be considered for that staff position, etc. An assistant can be the tipping point that puts you over the edge to get in rooms and offices you want.

Also, assistants are in prime positions to get promoted, to get that freelance script, to get that new writer’s assistant gig that just opened up that no one knows about. Seriously, as a low-level writer I know I’ve lost jobs to people who were the showrunner’s assistant but got promoted. And honestly, that’s stiff competition. This is someone the showrunner already has a working relationship with, a shorthand, and I’m just this person off the street with a pushy agent. At that point it really doesn’t matter how solid my samples are.

I’ve been hearing this a lot already, and I suspect it will increase as staffing gets closer…but, if you have the opportunity to BE an assistant, Take it. There are no high horses anymore. You best chance of getting work is by knowing hungry assistants, because they become hungry agents/producers/executives. Or by becoming an assistant, whether at a studio, network, production company, on a show. Just get in the door, get to know people, make the best copies and deliver the best damn lunch possible.

As someone who’s both been an assistant and had assistants I can’t tell you what a difference it makes when people do easy jobs well. Seriously, if you’re bitching that all you have to do is deliver lunch, then you better be perfect at it! There is no way to piss off a writer’s room than to mess up their Chinese Chicken salads. But if you deliver the hell out of my Chinese Chicken Salad, I’m that much more likely to say, “Oh, you have a CHUCK spec? Of course I’ll read it and give you a recommendation for the WB Fellowship.”

I still have a handful of assistant buddies, you know who you are…and smart assistants are an incredible friend to have. These are people I look forward to working with in the future, they still are incredibly plugged in to what’s happening around town, and I’m always willing to scratch their backs because they are always worth it.

Motto of the day: Assistants. Know ‘em. Love ‘em. Be them.

And if you got to the bottom of this posting, here’s the easter egg part. Until the end of this week I’ll give assistants a special discount off my services on the IS IT GOOD ENOUGH package? So any assistants with specs in their back pockets wanting to know if they’re good enough to show your bosses, for $95 (compared to the normal $125) I’ll read it and get on the phone to give you notes on your scripts.

Send me an email here: and make sure to include Hail The Assistants in the subject line to get your discount. And you’ve got to tell me where you’re an assistant (you don’t have to say for whom specifically, but it’s got to be a relevant entertainment company.)  I have my resources to find out the liars, this is not the time to try to play me. That won’t end well.

All hail the assistants.