So, Well, Um, …….

I consider them to be writing handicaps.

The need to start most sentences with “So,…you come here often?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked”

“So” and “well”…yes we may speak with those words a lot, but watch out how often they appear in your script.

I just did a quick pass on the second draft of my own pilot and took out at least ten instances of “So….” and “Well” starting sentences. They might seem like more natural ways to have a conversation flow, but they actually dumb you down and make your words seem less sharp. Trust me, the line of “So, how are you holding up?” is just as effective without the “So”.

Also, if you’re looking to edit and save some space, a good general rule is that you can cut the first two and last two lines of dialogue from your scenes. It seems kind of painful and maybe abrupt, but really TV scenes are so damn quick, you want to start late and end early.

Your characters will come across as sharper and more clearly voiced.

Back to writing.

Whatever it is…you love it!

As staffing gets closer I hear everyone talking about calling in favors.

“I know a guy who….”

“My daughter’s daycare has this woman who….”

“My dad used to golf with….”

Hey, no matter how obscure…USE ‘EM. That’s how Hollywood works, isn’t it?

Before you do flex those muscles, ask those favors, and bargain away any future unborn children, let me remind you:

1. Double, triple, and then double check your work. Nothing gets your work tossed out the door quicker then sending your work to someone and then sending them an updated copy the next day because you found a few typos. That’s no one’s responsibility other than yours. And that just makes people think you aren’t ready. When you send a script to a professional, it better be ready. Bottom line.

If you resend a script you’ve just crossed into high maintenance land. And look at Heidi Montag as an example. High maintanence isn’t a good thing.

2. No matter what show it is, what job it is, if someone is offering you a job, an opportunity, say THANK YOU and accept. If you’re saying no to opportunity, you better be real sure about those choices.  I’m not saying you need to scrape the bottom of the barrel and strive for scraps….but, no one cares if, “Well, I got a job offer on THE OFFICE, but I don’t know, I’m not really a fan of what they’ve done with Jim and Pam lately.” SHUT UP, and you just got that opportunity taken away from you and your condescending ass.

The rules that applied in kindergarten apply here. If you eat paste, no one will want to play with you.

If you throw tantrums, no one will want to work with you.

This has nothing to do with your writing. If you’re a pain, if you have a strange tick, if you cry out “Mommy” when you sneeze, these are things that will make people think twice about bringing you into a writers room. Writers spend hours and hours in that room, often seeing each other more than their families, they better like the people they’re hanging out with.

So, brush up on those conversation skills, make sure to smile. Please, just freakin smile. Be nice to everyone along the way, and oh yeah, your writing better be brilliant too. No pressure!!

TV Face-off: Modern Family vs. Parenthood

I’m venturing out of LA for the next few days. I’m already inspired by my new surroundings. Upstate NY in the springtime is amazing. Pics to come shortly.

But I thought a new feature of comparing and contrasting two shows that on the surface might be similar, but in reality are very different would be a nice way to get all of our critical minds working. I’m finding lately that being SPECIFIC is where your VOICE comes through, and also where you can highlight another show’s voice well in spec scripts. Jokes or storylines in scripts are required, but how is your drama or comedy specific to your show, whether it’s a pilot or a spec of an exisiting show.

Let’s take Facebook for example. How will THE GOOD WIFE get Alicia Florick on FB differently than Liz Lemon’s attempt at Facebook on 30 ROCK? (Still a fav 30 Rock episode, btw. “Lemon, I just got finger banged.” Genius!) There’s a few obvious routes to go for jokes and drama here, but how these shows make it their own is what sets them apart from the rest. CSI, which gets criticized by some for being generic procedural is still CSI. A CSI case won’t mistakenly appear on FRINGE. It couldn’t.

So, when you’re in spec land, your story of COURGARTOWN has to be specific for that show. Not just something you thought would be funny so you guess you can fit it into the COUGARTOWN mold. See the difference?

WHY THESE SHOWS: Both MODERN FAMLIY and PARENTHOOD are brilliant shows. Both are written by some of the best talent working in TV today. Both are coming back for another season. And both have a new take on the traditional family. From standing in line for an iPad to finding your daughter with pot, these storylines could work for either show, but notice that each one has a specific TAKE on those storylines.

THE CASE FOR PARENTHOOD: First thing about Parenthood you need to know. Jason Katims. The genius team behind FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS brings their dramatic touch to the Braverman family. This project has been in development for aaaaawhile. The team at IMAGINE was well served to let the Katims clan take a stab at this.

While we all miss Steve Martin in the movie and no one can really top that…BUT the show version does a great job of juggling a large cast, bringing in relevant and current issues of being a parent, and still finding that sweet spot between awkward comedy and heart-warming family bonding.

An hour with the Bravermans feels like a night with a friend’s family. I say a friend’s family because everyone’s own family almost has too much drama, but spending an evening with my best friend’s family is always much more pleasurable. Yes, you can see some of the chinks on their armor, but overall, they’re a nice place to be.

THE CASE FOR MODERN FAMILY: Also juggling a large cast, MODERN FAMILY does a great job showing us a current take on family. Yes, they live near each other but they all have their own dramas. An annual stargazing trip, to trying to keep your marriage sexy,  to ditching your mom at the mall, these storylines bring their own comedy to the average family routine.  The Interview element here also keeps the viewers grounded in each character’s internal dialogue and doesn’t step on the comedy that comes with being a parent.

While the drama here might be more heightened for comedic effect, ala, Lilly the adopted Asian baby calling her Asian doctor Mamma, the show always brings it back to a warm reminder that family is family, good and bad. (Notice I didn’t say “good OR bad” because the show gets many comedic moments from the bad too. Like Cam and Mitchell bumping Lilly’s head against the ceiling. Hell, I let a friend of mine’s kid roll down two stairs, luckily they were carpeted, but I FEEL that fear and horror that Cam and Mitchell went through. And my friend and I actually had a good laugh at her daughter’s expense over that moment too. And besides that little reveal I am a favorite Aunt to many a kid. I don’t drop ‘em all.)

SO WHO WINS?: Katims purists might hate me here, but I vote MODERN FAMILY. I find that MODERN FAMILY has just as much heart as the hour-long drama in PARENTHOOD, but MODERN FAMILY manages to make you laugh too. And there’s something about family and being a parent that is so brutal sometimes, that wrapping it all up in comedy makes it a much easier pill to swallow. And as much as I love Peter Krause, his stressful parenting makes for stressful watching. The kid has Asbergers, calm down already.

Plus, MODERN FAMILY manages to serves as many characters as PARENTHOOD, gives everyone an arc in an episode, and does it all in 30 pages? Come on, that is skill. Btw, none of this is to say that the real raw emotions in PARENTHOOD aren’t real or extremely well-written, I just prefer to take my family drama with a little sugar.

Weigh in folks. It’s not a blog if I don’t piss some people off.

Next week I’ll do a VAMPIRE DIARIES vs. TRUE BLOOD face-off.

Future Face-Off suggestions are welcome too. (and you don’t need to recommend the movie FACE/OFF, although it is a favorite Woo flick. Pigeons anyone?)

Get out of your head

I had an interesting quandry yesterday in my pilot script.

I need a main character to change her mind about something major, but it was coming at the urging of someone else. And it struck me how half-assed that is.

If a main character has to make a major emotional shift, I have to do my due dilligence and SHOW the audience where that mental shift comes from.

I’ve seen many a script where the writer tells me the character’s emotion instead of showing it. And yes, I’ve already ranted on SHOW DON’T TELL, since we all learned that one in about 4th grade.

But if your character is going to make major decision, you have to SHOW the audience where that comes from. It has to be earned.

I’m always weary of loglines where a character must “decide”, must “overcome his fears” because none of that says what we are looking at on screen.

TV writing is difficult because so many act outs require that many highly dramatic moments. So, yes, you can fill those moments will cool and shocking reveals (DAMAGES anyone?), but your characters have to process those moments emotionally. And those emotional shifts have to be earned.

Make sure in your specs, Chuck doesn’t just DECIDE to be a badass. Courtney Cox in Cougartown doesn’t just SUDDENLY LEARN to accept her son’s college choice. You see where I’m headed, show me the rest.

All hail the assistants!

I’ve always had a theory. Yes, it probably stems from my years of fetching coffee, booking waxing appointments, reading extra scripts until 2am, working 12 hour days, and only being referred to as MARGAUX !* (insert blood curdling yell here)

BUT, I think assistants make this town go round. Yes, yes, executives and agents with their 100+ phone calls a day don’t exactly slack either, but assistants are always on those calls. They know most everything. They are the silent soldiers that prop up their bosses. Tell them which scripts deserve a second glance, which pilots are getting more buzz across town. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the town’s best gossip is traded in between assistant drinks and booty calls. (Come on, they also tend to be younger and hotter than us old folks, gotta give it up for the booty call decade. Just remember young 20somethings….if you’re sleeping with someone with a glimmer of intelligence and the drive to stay in this town, it’s not a chance but a certainty that you’ll run into that person again. So try not to do anything now you wouldn’t want to be reminded of in 5-10-15 years. Despite my slutty 20s, I think I managed to survive this phase mostly unscathed.)

But back to assistants. Yes, they work hard, yes they are the unsung heros of this town. And if you’re a writer? They are your best friend.

If an assistant likes your script it makes it that much harder for their boss to never read you, throw you in the trash can, or not call your agent to pass on you. You’re more likely to get included in their weekend read pile, be considered for that staff position, etc. An assistant can be the tipping point that puts you over the edge to get in rooms and offices you want.

Also, assistants are in prime positions to get promoted, to get that freelance script, to get that new writer’s assistant gig that just opened up that no one knows about. Seriously, as a low-level writer I know I’ve lost jobs to people who were the showrunner’s assistant but got promoted. And honestly, that’s stiff competition. This is someone the showrunner already has a working relationship with, a shorthand, and I’m just this person off the street with a pushy agent. At that point it really doesn’t matter how solid my samples are.

I’ve been hearing this a lot already, and I suspect it will increase as staffing gets closer…but, if you have the opportunity to BE an assistant, Take it. There are no high horses anymore. You best chance of getting work is by knowing hungry assistants, because they become hungry agents/producers/executives. Or by becoming an assistant, whether at a studio, network, production company, on a show. Just get in the door, get to know people, make the best copies and deliver the best damn lunch possible.

As someone who’s both been an assistant and had assistants I can’t tell you what a difference it makes when people do easy jobs well. Seriously, if you’re bitching that all you have to do is deliver lunch, then you better be perfect at it! There is no way to piss off a writer’s room than to mess up their Chinese Chicken salads. But if you deliver the hell out of my Chinese Chicken Salad, I’m that much more likely to say, “Oh, you have a CHUCK spec? Of course I’ll read it and give you a recommendation for the WB Fellowship.”

I still have a handful of assistant buddies, you know who you are…and smart assistants are an incredible friend to have. These are people I look forward to working with in the future, they still are incredibly plugged in to what’s happening around town, and I’m always willing to scratch their backs because they are always worth it.

Motto of the day: Assistants. Know ‘em. Love ‘em. Be them.

And if you got to the bottom of this posting, here’s the easter egg part. Until the end of this week I’ll give assistants a special discount off my services on the IS IT GOOD ENOUGH package? So any assistants with specs in their back pockets wanting to know if they’re good enough to show your bosses, for $95 (compared to the normal $125) I’ll read it and get on the phone to give you notes on your scripts.

Send me an email here: and make sure to include Hail The Assistants in the subject line to get your discount. And you’ve got to tell me where you’re an assistant (you don’t have to say for whom specifically, but it’s got to be a relevant entertainment company.)  I have my resources to find out the liars, this is not the time to try to play me. That won’t end well.

All hail the assistants.

Know your audience

These days with so many cable options, I find it more and more relevant to aim your work specifically for a handful of networks instead of casting a wide, and probably flimsy-ier net.

If you have a pilot idea that’s perfect for Syfy, my guess is by focusing your choices you’re able to create a stronger product rather than dilute it trying to appease a larger audience. Gone are the days of 20 million viewers watching FRIENDS. Yes, networks still aim for the larger piece of the pie, but if you’re idea isn’t for network, mass audiences, that’s not the end of the world anymore. Plus, it might give you a better chance to shine. You think the IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY crew would have been as genius under a larger network parameters. ? Hardly.

Here is a great article about Conan’s future with TBS and why it’s a great move. I think this is an excellent case in point. I’ll bet Conan has much more success and creative freedom with a network like this than trying to fit his quirky sensibility in with the brass at NBC.

Put in the time!

It’s too important.

As we cross from pilot season to staffing season, it’s crucial that you use your writing time wisely.

This comes in two stages:

One: PLAN YOUR WRITING SESSIONS!

Even if you are balancing a demanding day job you can still plan ahead.

Okay, every day this week during my lunch hour I will hide in my car with my laptop and get 45 min solid writing minutes in. (Hey, JUNO was written during lunch hours, it works.)

Or, Tues and Thursday I am hitting up a coffeeshop after work from 7-9. I’ll cancel my drinks, skip the gym, and make a commitment to those sessions.

Hey, I even work from home but I still know that from 9-12 and then 4-7 are reserved for writing my pilot. No consulting, no blogging, no dogwalking, nothing but pilot.

Secondly: RECOGNIZE WHERE YOUR HEAD IS:

Lately I’ve gotten better and just realizing when I’m stuck. I spend less time forcing something to work and I’ll stop what I’m doing and step away from the computer instead of losing an hour diddling in the internet wondering where my inspiration went.

The quicker you can recognize these mini-blocks, the quicker you can solve them. Walk around the block, start a load of laundry, I guarantee 10 minutes away from the computer will actually solve your writing issue. Staring at the computer and willing the answer to come is often the last way to find your solution.

The side benefit of using your time wisely is that you’ll be more focused on your short term script goals. Like, okay, I just need to finish this one scene. That’s 3 pages max. Okay, so what does Character A want in this scene and how is Character B standing in his way? And how does this scene elevate my overall plot? Now write the fucker. I’ll guarantee if you approach each scene that way you’ll have very productive short bursts of writing.

Keep up the good work, folks!

Yes, TV should be studied!

Having majored in Critical Studies of film and television I used to have to do a fair amount of work defending that choice.

I remember business students taking film classes for easy As, and always feeling somewhat insulted by that. Although, I never bothered to find out if they did get that A..I know I got it. In fact, my film classes were the only thing I was good at in college. Seriously, I graduated Magna Cum Laude in three years. It definitely made up for my years of crap grades in high school. Turns out, I’m crap at most other things that don’t involve film and television.

And now the tables are turning. A very intelligent Professor at Middlebury started teaching a class on THE WIRE and its importance as a reflection on our society. Yep…TV is important and can teach us something. Who knew? Check out this awesome NPR write-up HERE.

Makes me want to go back to college and soak in more of this stuff. Okay, okay. If I did go back I would maybe take a business class too.

Get rid of it!

Here’s my new theory of the day…your script will only improve by the percentage you’re willing to throw out your old draft.

What the hell does that mean?

I’ve had some awesome clients lately (boy oh boy people are working hard on their specs and pilots), but I’ve been hearing common things out there in the ether.

“How much can I salvage this?”

“How do I not have to start over?”

“But cant I still send this out?”

“It’s good enough, right?”

“I mean, have you noticed how bad LOST is?” (oh, sorry that was just a convo with myself)

But, you see the pattern there? As we all pull our hair out a little more and as those pesky pages on the calendar keep turning (Seriously? Can we not stop time at this point in our existence? Come on!) …we’re all freaking out a little and starting to make silly decisions.

Let me be very clear. I understand the looming deadlines of staffing, of getting an agent, manager, showrunner friend to read your scripts. REALLY, I do. No, REALLY, I do.

BUT, your script is ready when it’s ready. It’s not ready because you just can’t be bothered to break the story one more time. It’s not ready because you’re sure no one will really be bothered by your lack of a coherent theme. And it’s not ready because “oh my God, I can’t miss staffing season!”. Nope. None of that makes your script any better. And you know what too? None of that thinking is going to get you a job.

And you know why? Because the job you’re killing yourself, ignoring your husband, pets, diet, family, Project Runway, for….the job is to be a writer.

You think that when you get on staff and you are assigned a script you’ll be ready to hand your first script into your showrunner boss simply because you can’t make the B story work? Simply because you’re done and can’t see anywhere else it needs improvement? Do you want to keep that job? Because all of the things that won’t get you hired will also get you fired from that dream job you went nuts for.

So, as the tidal wave of staffing season builds momentum, I encourage you all to take deep breaths. Step away from the computer when the freak outs happen…get another set of eyes on your work, and be open to change. The script is ready when it’s ready.

And don’t cling to those first drafts. That is not a finished script; chances are that’s merely the first 25-40% of your finished script. Seriously..that’s how much can change and should change between drafts. If you’re tweaking dialogue between drafts and thinking that’s all you gotta do, I’ll bet you’re missing something. Be willing to take your outline apart, put it back together, brainstorm new storylines, shift your theme, introduce new characters. Most of the time by doing all that, you’re making improvements on your script. You’re creating a richer, more refined story with richer characters.

Now, that’s how you get a job.

How many sleeves on your sweater?

I’ll admit it, I’m the queen of lame metaphors.

The newest one my clients have had to endure? The knitting metaphor.

Writing a script is like knitting a sweater. Every thread leads to something. You’ve got two sleeves as a part of an overall sweater, much like you can have a B and C storyline…but they’ve got to be a part of the sweater still. You know you’re in trouble when your sweater ends up with three sleeves. Make sure your storylines all connect and you don’t have a story just flapping in the breeze like a useless third sleeve.

And this brings me back to theme. Theme…that vague bitch that is never around when you need her, and shows up too late to remind you of all your mistakes. Theme is like a girlfriend that’s always on the verge of breaking up with you, but if you treat her right, maybe she’ll stick around and make you better person. See? Lame metaphors.

But theme is like the connective tissue in your scripts. Especially in TV when we often have a handful of characters to serve and they have their own storylines to fulfill. Theme is what holds it all together.

Lately I’ve found that I can have a vague idea of theme, but I really have to knock out my crappy first draft in order to really see my theme come to life. The second draft is where everything can really work to make my theme come through. Where you start knowing how to talk to that vague girlfriend/boyfriend to really get what you want out of that relationship. From “Let’s go out  sometime” to “I got tickets to that movie you’re dying to see and reservations at your fav restaurant”. Which of those versions is gonna get you laid? I’ll bet the more specific one. Theme is just like that. The more specific you get with it, ie, this is a story about THIS, guaranteed that’s what will make your script sing much better.

Last’s night’s GLEE was a great exercise in theme. We all don’t necessarily get songs to illustrate our character’s emotional shifts or the theme of an entire episode and there could be an argument about it all being somewhat on the nose (but you wont’ hear that argument from me)…but the whole HELLO/GOODBYE thing played in each storyline. Shue and Emma, Rachel and Finn, even Will and Sue. Now that’s a nicely knit sweater, and a date that will put out!

Okay, I’m going to get back to writing before I really start mixing my metaphors.